Well, it’s that time of year, and if you have a girlfriend and for some reason have decided to look to me for advice on what to get her, I can do you one better.  Through years of experience and extensive scientific research, I’ve made a list of things not to get your girlfriend for Christmas.  Impressive right? For those of you looking for a list of things to get your girlfriend, I’m not here to solve all of your problems. Just give the illusion that I am, so go Google it, but if you actually want my advice, take a gander below.


  1. Weight Watchers is a no-no.  Well, any sort of workout equipment or weight-loss program at all (except the Step… who wouldn’t want such an amazing and innovative way to get fit for Christmas?). Getting your girlfriend workout equipment should seem like an obvious thing to avoid, but I’m here to assume you can’t know much if you’re here.  There’s almost a 99% chance that getting your sweetheart P90X (or anything of that sort) would not end well for any party involved.  She’s going to think that you think she’s not fit enough, and that’s not going to make her happy.
  2. No dogs.  Christmas time already has kennels overflowing with pets as it is with irresponsible kids, and chances are if your girl wanted a pet, they would have had that pet already. There’s also the idea of parenting and taking care of the pet and guilt of giving up a pet if it was a gift.  It all around doesn’t work. Just don’t do it!
  3. There are also stuffed animals.  They are a staple of the relationship-esque gift, and it is old. Very old.  There’s also the small detail that you and your girlfriend are in high school (hopefully).  Stuffed animals might have been nice back in middle school or back when build-a-bear was the best gift ever (who didn’t want a build-a-bear at some point in their life?), but it’s time to lift the veil of teddy bears and dogs and cats from over your eyes and realize (rhyme) that the gift you’re buying is going straight into a corner of her room where its sole purpose will be to keep dust from falling to the floor.
  4. Gift cards are no bueno.  At first, they seem like a great idea. She can buy whatever she wants from a store on a prepaid card. It’s a ticket to the freedom to shop as one pleases.  Your girlfriend might even say they want a gift card. But, do they really want a gift card? I (personally) have never opened up a gift card and thought, now this is exciting, thoughtful, and what I wanted.  Especially in a relationship, gifts should have some thought in them. They should be personal. Buy something for her. Don’t be lazy! Now I’m making a lot of logical leaps here without any experience, but I think the principle will stand with most girls.
  5. Now, I’m not sure how relevant this might be to high school, but kitchen supplies or tools are a bad idea as well. It really is an impersonal gift to give.  Unless I am completely mislead, stainless steel pots and pans have never make a girl go “this guy and I have something special,” but then again, what do I know? But even if your girlfriend is a foodie, you can do better.  Plus, there is also the implication of a relationship between women and kitchens which I am fairly confident is kind of a taboo thing.
  6. Finally, clothes probably aren’t a good idea.  Although clothes reflect a personal touch and there is thought put into them as a gift, there is so much room for error.  There is a good chance as a guy, you have no idea of the complexities of a girl’s style (I know it’s a wide generalization, but work with me.), and through that, there is a good chance that you could get her something that she doesn’t like.  The final and absolute worst mistake that can be made with clothing is getting the wrong size.  Too large and she might think that you think that she’s chubby, and too small and she might think that you think she’s chubby (kind of a lose-lose situation right there).  This kind of lends itself back to the first item on this list and one of the worst things to do is to make your girlfriend think that you think she is too big or that she could get smaller.  So this idea is really not worth the trouble that could possibly result from it.


In summation, just follow this list and you’re on your way to an amazing gift.  They’ve done studies, you know, and my advice works 60% of the time, every time.

*Disclaimer: I have never had a girlfriend*