Celebrating 10 Years Online

Tuesday, January 21, 2020

THE JESUIT DALLAS STUDENT VOICE AND NEWSPAPER SINCE 1942 - DIGITAL SINCE 2010

THE JESUIT DALLAS STUDENT VOICE AND STUDENT NEWSPAPER SINCE 1942

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Viewpoint Humor/Satire

Humor/Satire

Humorous or Satirical Student Views, Opinions, and Commentary

“Dear Dee, I’m having girl problems. I like this girl a lot but don’t know how to ask her out. What do I do? Desperate Dave” Dear Desperate Dave, “The heart wants what the heart wants” I believe is the age-old adage to which your situation applies. Longings for love can yield either feelings of transcendental ecstasy or backbreaking emotional pain, with the...
Are you looking for the perfect gift for a family member or friend this Christmas? Do you have a secret Santa for whom you need the perfect present? Do you want to knock the socks off of the recipient of your wrapped surprise? Then you need to read this guide for the 15 hottest gifts of the Christmas season! 15....
Mr. Garrison, incredulous, shakes his head and mumbles incoherently to himself as he takes out a sharpie to make amends to the 28 Acre t-shirts he recently commissioned as a surprise for Mr. Knize. Last Friday, March 27th, Jesuit discreetly settled a court case with the homeowners of the neighborhood to the rear of the school, conceding around an...
Dear Everyone, Dee here with one last advice column. There is no specific question or topic I will be covering with this one, and if you’ve read all my other columns, you know I’m keen to go on rants, so, with no topic at hand, this one could get a little crazy. AWWWW YEEEAAAAAHHHH. Ahem, pardon me. I do in fact...
If you went to the football game last Friday, you might have noticed an interesting face in the student section. What was peculiar was that it was a face without a body, nicknamed the Dion Scion (Dye-on Sigh-on). Created by Senior Rudder Allison, the Dion Sign was a popular addition to the student section, bringing good fun and laughter to...
Thursday marked the opening of the first-ever Bountiful Scholars Tournament, sponsored by The Roundup. According to the advertisement that was sent out for the tournament earlier this semester, "the tournament seeks to showcase the wit and literary interpretative powers of the contestants." For this first round, scholars must analyze Dr. Seuss' "Green Eggs and Ham" and debate its meaning in...
Dear Dee, How do I know if I’m in love? - Lost Louie Dear Lost Louie, Love. Just think about that word for a minute. Ignore what you are reading and just let your mind flow. What does love mean to you? Do you even know? (I know you’re unsure “Louie,” but this is meant for reflection for the other readers.) Can you...
(Disclaimer: This is satire) After nine months of arduous labor, that special week once again approaches us. Finals week. The word final comes the Latin “fin,” which means the end or the border, and the Greek “al,” which means through great pain and suffering. Students have spent the entire school year preparing for an hour and a half exam for each...

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Jesuit College Preparatory School of Dallas offers young men an excellent, Catholic education in the classical Jesuit tradition with the purpose of forming a community of men with high moral principles and service to others.

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